Bertram wears his thinking cap. That's what I call it anyway. Really, it's just a silly little dog-sized Sherlock hat he lets me put on him as long as I give him plenty of treats first. It's important, though. He's my sidekick. He's got to look the part.
I put on the long, wool scarf my Nan knitted me last year. It's red and green and blue and goes around my neck four full times, with plenty left over. I also wear a gray bowler hat. I think that came from a Halloween costume of Dad's. It's kinda cheap and plastic-looking, and it's much too large, but it's the best detective hat I could find in their closet. Last, I get my spyglass. It's just a magnifying glass. It may have come out of a box of Trix, but it works pretty good. It makes little things big, and that's all that matters. In fact, that's most of what detective work is, says Dad.
"Finding the little things that are actually big things in disguise," he says. But not actually little thing. He means little seeming things.
So Bertram is ready and so am I. It's Friday night. Mystery Night!
Last week was a hum-dinger! Mom's necklace went missing. Her favorite one - with the turquoise stone and the rose gold heart. Not in the bedroom and not in the bathroom. Not in the house at all! I asked the right questions, though. That's another thing Dad always says about detecting. "The right question makes all the difference." So I asked her where she'd been and who she'd talked to and what they'd said and how they'd looked and I figured it out! It was the desk lady at the gym! She'd been very envious of Mom's pretty necklace and she knew the code to the electronic locks in the locker room. Motive and means! Mom and Dad drove me over to the gym and sure enough, I got the desk lady to fess up!
Of course I know it was all make believe. People don't just steal from each other and laugh and give it back and say thanks and that's that. People get arrested. Or they lie. Or they hurt each other. But it's fun all the same and Dad says I'm basically a pro.
Anyway, I'm ready to go!
Bertram and I come down the stairs. "Detective Ellie Gumshoe, on the case!" I shout. Bertram barks to let everyone know he's there, too. No one says anything back.
I look around. The TV's on in the living room. The lights are on in the kitchen. But I don't see anyone around.
"Detective Ellie's here!" I call. No one says anything. I turn off the TV and listen. Nothing.
"Mom? Dad?" Nothing.
I look at Bertram. His thinking cap's fallen crooked on his head. "Hey. You don't suppose...?" I run over to the living room window. It looks out on the driveway. Both cars are there.
"It's already started," I say. "You see, Bert? That's the mystery. I have to find Mom and Dad."
I start with the obvious. I go back upstairs. I look in their room. It's empty. Not in the closet. Not under the bed. They're not there.
They aren't in the upstairs bathroom either. "Not upstairs," I say to Bertram. "So that's eliminated."
We go back downstairs. I check the guest bedroom. Nothing there. Nothing in the hall closet. Nothing in the living room.
Okay.
I decide to leave the basement for last. I don't really like the basement. Mom and Dad know I don't like the basement. I don't think they're down there.
The backdoor in the kitchen is open. That's for sure a clue. I look out at the backyard. There's some toys out there. The lawnmower's still out. It's getting dark, but that's all there is. They're not in the backyard.
Okay.
I close the kitchen door. I'll check the basement.
I open the door and turn on the light. The basement smells funny as always. Like dust and old water. I point down the stairs and click my tongue. Bertram doesn't go for it. He doesn't like the basement either. I go down without him.
The stairs are loud. Every step sounds like something's about to break. The railing is wobbly. I make it all the way down. The ground down here is plain cement. There's a big pile of boxes in the corner. I'm not going to check the boxes. They wouldn't be in the boxes. That's not a good mystery. I walk around. Mom's exercise equipment is down here. The thing she runs on and the thing with all the rubber bands. I don't remember the last time she used them. More boxes. The furnace. It's summer, so it's not on. The washer and dryer.
I hear something!
Oh, it's Bertram on the stairs. He comes a couple steps down and whines.
Okay. They're not down here.
I go back upstairs.
Where are they?
Okay, remember. Little things that are actually big things. Okay.
I go back to the kitchen. There's a broken glass on the counter. Wine. I think it had wine in it. Mom likes wine. She broke a glass, but didn't clean it up. Is that a clue? That must be a clue. Why would she break a glass and not clean it up?
What else? What else?
One of the drawers is open. Which one? Oh. The knife drawer. I forgot which that was because I don't ever go in that one.
Okay. The knife drawer is open. Mom broke a wine glass and left it. The kitchen door was open.
Think think think. Little things that are actually big things. Ask the right questions. Questions...but who can I ask? Mom and Dad aren't here?
I look through the kitchen window. Mrs. Meacham!
Mrs. Meacham lives next door. Her kitchen looks at our kitchen. Sometimes Mom will wave at her when she's cooking. Maybe she saw something?
I walk across the lawn, but leave Bertram at home (Mrs. Meacham doesn't like dogs). Mrs. Meacham answers when I ring the doorbell.
"Lil' Ellie, how are you?" she says. She likes me.
"Hi Mrs. Meacham," I say. "I was wondering if you saw anything suspicious tonight? Like, anything in my kitchen?"
"Say again, dear? What happened in your kitchen?"
"Nothing," I say. "But my parents are missing and I'm collecting clues, so I wondered if maybe you..."
"Missing?" says Mrs. Meacham. "You're all alone? What happened?"
"It's a mystery," I explain. I'm getting worried that Mrs. Meacham is getting worried. She doesn't know about Mystery Night. "It's okay. I'm trying to solve it. But all I know so far is that the backdoor was open, there's a broken glass of wine, and the knife drawer was left open, too. So I thought maybe you might have seen or heard..."
But Mrs. Meacham is just getting more and more worried and not really listening to me. "Are you playing or are you telling me your parents are missing?" She grabs my shoulders. It kind of hurts.
"We're playing," I say. "They're missing and I'm trying to find them. It's Mystery Night."
Mrs. Meacham just shakes her head and grabs hold of my arm. "I don't know what's going on. I need to talk to your parents. You're giving me a fright, girl."
She pulls me out of her house. "But you can't talk to them." I really don't know how to make Mrs. Meacham understand. "They're missing." She just shakes her head and drags me back to my house.
We go in through the kitchen door. Bertram barks and Mrs. Meacham kicks at him. "Get that thing away from me!"
I lead Bertram to the bathroom and close the door. He starts howling immediately. "It's not a bad thing," I say. "I was just looking for clues. I'm sorry I bothered you."
Mrs. Meacham isn't listening to me. "Glen? Polina? Are you home? Your daughter is playing strange games. Are you here?"
I start to get worried about Mystery Night. If Mrs. Meacham keeps yelling and making a fuss, maybe my parents will come and I'll never solve the mystery. And then maybe they'll never want to do Mystery Night anymore. What if Mrs. Meacham calls the police? What if my parents get in trouble?
"It's okay," I keep saying, chasing Mrs. Meacham around the house. "It's okay! It's just a game. It's just a mystery."
Mrs. Meacham searches almost exactly like I did earlier, then she shakes her head. "This isn't right. I'll call the police."
"No!" I shout, and I say it so loud Mrs. Meacham finally notices me again. I think fast. "You didn't look in the basement."
I'm not really thinking. I'm just scared. Scared for my parents. Scared for us. Mrs. Meacham's really going to ruin everything. I know she is.
Mrs. Meacham goes to the basement and opens the door. Bertram is still howling in the bathroom. "What's down there?" she asks me.
"Exercise stuff," I say.
She leans over and turns on the light. "Glen? Polina? You down there?"
I barely touch her. At least, I think I barely touched her. I don't really remember to be honest. All I remember is that she went forward and I saw her feet weren't touching anything and I slammed the door closed behind her. All I could hear was Bertram's howling.
I drag a chair over and leave it in front of the basement door. I don't know what that does. I know I've seen it in movies before.
I let Bertram out of the bathroom. He had an accident on the bathmat. That's okay.
I go back outside and sit down on the steps. My hands are shaking. My everything is shaking. I'm not a very good detective.
I look up and see it. Why hadn't I seen it before? How come I'd forgotten it?
I wander across the yard. Bertram follows me. We walk to the shed way down at the edge of the lawn. The door is unlocked. I push it open.
"You got us!" shouts Dad.
"Took you long enough," says Mom. She's smiling. She's not mad.
"I kidnapped your mom," says Dad. "And then dragged her to my lair. Mwah haha!"
"I'd've been finished if not for the brave and intelligent, Detective Ellie Gumshoe!" says Mom. "But now I'm famished. Dinner?"
"I want pizza," says Dad, laughing as he picks me up and hugs me to his chest. "Wow. You're getting big, aren't you?"
I don't say anything. I don't say anything at all.
He carries me back into the house.
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