When you agree to enter cryogenic freeze, they give you a slip of paper warning you of three things:
One, that you may die (and likely not notice).
Two, that you may not die, but your brain may liquefy.
Three, that you may not die and your brain may survive, but you'll almost certainly have an awfully hard time getting a ride home afterward.
I was not suicidal at the time, and I remain fond of my brain, but I also had no home to return to, no one to worry about losing, and nothing to worry about having lost. I had reached that point - which I fear a good many people reach - where the "nothing" outweighed the "something" so drastically that it was almost a joke.
Plus, I had a coupon.
The thought, at that time, was that everything going forward would be better. How "better" would be defined was somewhat nebulous, but the idea was firm. Tomorrow would be better. And when we woke up it would be a better world with nicer stuff, grander people, finer opportunities, and all around pleasant weather. There'd be no queues at the grocery store, no tipping at takeaway restaurants, and no jury duty. There would be just the right amount of robots, very few of which would be evil.
Being honest, however, that was never really the idea for my kind. I was more a test subject than a first class passenger jetting off to the future. I was frozen at a discount to make sure the devices worked and the brain liquefaction ratios were down to an acceptable level. The "real" clients were wealthy and sick, or the wealthy and bored. But definitely wealthy. Which I was not.
So they put me under. And I slept. Maybe for a day. Maybe for a century. Maybe for something significantly longer. I suspect the latter. When I woke, it appeared to be because the clock on my pod had run out of clock, so to speak. I'd gone past my allotted time, or possibly past all allotted time.
My pod was no longer in the little office in the suburbs. Instead it was underground, in a small fissure in the earth's bedrock. I had been swallowed up.There was no light but the light emanating from my pod. Plus, I was stuck.
You shouldn't be surprised to learn that I died sometime shortly thereafter.
I'm not sure what I expected to find post-death, but what I found was an empty road which led in two directions. I didn't suspect even the one choice in death, so I took some time lingering over the decision. Eventually, I went left.
That way was dark, cast all over in gray shadows, marked by the creeping tendrils of silver metal, leaf-less trees that hung across the road. But there was no one there. No one met me on the road, or challenged me, or proposed a game of riddles or any such thing. I simply walked alone until I found a giant door impressed into the side of a mountain. The door was red hot. It burned my flesh to touch it, though I did not entirely mind. There was a sign above the door, which read:
ENTER HERE ALL SOULS OF THE DAMNED
And then below, in smaller letters, it said:
Human Hell only. Cat Hell inquire at the back.
So I was damned. I knocked on the burning door. There was no answer. I waited. I went around to Cat Hell and knocked there and found the same reply. Nothing.
I did not seem to be wanted in Hell. But then...I pressed my ear against the heavy door. My face burned. It was unpleasant. But I listened and heard...nothing.
Was Hell empty? Or was I simply barred?
Then it occurred to me - perhaps Hell was barred because I did not belong there?
I went back the way I had come. Along the dark, razor tree path. And after some time, light peeked through the darkness. The trees along the path softened and bloomed. The road brightened. I climbed a glass staircase. Up and up and up. I thought I ought to be tired, but I wasn't. I reached a golden door, sparkling and bright. Above the door was written:
ENTER HERE ALL WHO SEEK PEACE EVERLASTING
There appeared to be a golden doggie dog down at the bottom of the massive entryway.
I knocked. And knocked. And called out. But the door did not budge. Even the doggie door was blocked to me. I listened. There was no sound. Heaven was barred as well.
I was lost.
I returned down the stairs and down the road, back to where I had started from.
I was lost. Perhaps I had been asleep too long? Perhaps death was no longer in fashion?
But then - there - down neither path, but off the path, out in the woolly darkness where no path ran, a boy came towards me. He raised both hands over his head and smiled and said, "I knew there was one more! I was right, I was right! C'mon! You're the very last!"
The boy came close. His hair was silver blond and his skin was dark olive. He wore a robe of gleaming white. "I've been counting," he told me. "Knew we were missing one. What took you so long?"
"I was asleep," I said. Because that was true, at least. "Heaven and Hell are closed."
The boy shrugged. "They were lame anyway. Didn't need 'em. We're all together now. Over there." He pointed out towards the vague darkness off the path.
"All?" I said.
The boy nodded. "Well, all now. Now you finally woke up. Lazy bones." He held out his hand to me. "I won't say we were waitin' for you, because we weren't really. But we did keep a place for you."
I hesitated. "Even for me?"
"Don't get that way," said the boy, sticking out his tongue. "There's a place for everyone. No matter what. No matter where. We're all in it now. What's the sense leavin' anyone out?"
There was no sense, obviously. None at all. So I took the boy's hand and I left the path that led to Heaven and Hell and went off into the unpromised land in-between.