If you'd like to hear some of my words in motion (which is definitely how sound works, don't look that up), check out this edition of the Prompted Podcast. It's a podcast featuring readings from selected /r/WritingPrompts responses. It's available on SoundCloud, iTunes, Google Play, and YouTube (embedded below). My story starts around the 30 minute mark, though the whole thing is pretty great:
I've no idea how they stumbled upon my entry - it's not on my personal subreddit and frankly, I'd totally forgotten about it before they asked - but it sounds great. Original story below:
Quite frankly, I'm getting tired of all the questions.
When I go home to my old village in the Wailing Mountains - How big is he?
When I stop in at the Sacred Temple of Azaboroth - Do you have to cast Protect on yourself every morning, or what?
When I drop into the tavern after my shift - He ever let you ride 'im?
It's too much. After all, to me, he's just Briz. Not Lt. Brithasar. Not Brithasar the Great Golden Dragon. Not the Mad Dragon Brithasar, the most tenacious detective on the squad and the only member of his species in the entirety of the City of Holy Light Police Department. Just Briz. He brings donuts on Mondays. My partner, Briz.
So I'm going to put it all out there now. I'll print it up and hand it out, and post it on all the Null Dimension boards. This is it. These are all the answers I'm gonna give. So don't bother asking after this.
How big is he?
No idea. Never officially measured the guy and I certainly never thought to ask. Once though, we did tie 25 orcs to his back, from wingtip to wingtip, so we could shake out some important information. So, I guess his wingspan is 25 orcs across.
Well, 24, I guess. One fell off.
As for his weight? He accidentally landed on a smokeshop once and crushed the whole thing. But he can sit on the center of the Great Stone Bridge just fine, so... whatever the middle point of those two facts might be.
Does he breathe fire?
Is this a serious question? Of course he breathes fire. He can melt a smithy's entire inventory in the time it takes you to eat a leg of lamb. We have these things called "city ordinances" however, which is why you don't see him whipping it out left and right.
What's his weak point?
Get the fuck out of here with that.
Does he polish his scales?
He actually goes to this girl on 14th for that. Tiny hands. She can get in between the scales, which is the key. He likes to look professional.
Wait, why are you even asking?
Does he hoard treasure?
"Hoard" is a strong word. Briz certainly likes treasure. Gold, silver, gems, etc. I mean, he's a government employee, so it's not like he can afford all that much, but he's got a nice little collection. People act like that's a weird hobby or something, but let's be real here - it's a great investment. Not losing a lot of resale value there.
Plus, it's part of what makes him so good at his job. A smart thief knows how to evade one of my Find spells, but there's almost no way to hide quality stolen goods from Briz. He can track a silver shekel from one end of town to the other. That's why the dwarves are always making him offers for private security jobs in their mines, but that's not for Briz. He's all about law and orders. Plus, he might legitimately go insane inside a dwarf mine. Better to avoid the temptation.
Have you ridden him?
Too busy riding your mom. Boom!
What does he eat?
You know. Normal stuff. Whole sheep. Whole goats. Whole cows. Maybe an ogre if he's been drinking. He's on a diet right now, but I can't say he's really sticking to it all that religiously. We're all trying to do the best we can.
Are you ever afraid of him?
Nah. Listen, Briz is my partner, but he's also my friend. Yes, there are times when he gets a bit of the treasure lust and eats everyone inside a jewelry store and I have to frame an elf and perjure myself in front of a grand jury, but that's just part of being a team. When he's having a bad day and ends up eating a farm's entire supply of livestock, I'm more than happy to set the place on fire and testify that the deceased farmer had a gambling problem. You watch out for each other. It's what partners do.
How long do dragons live?
Honestly, the amount of coke he does, I give him three years.