Writing Prompt: You're a teller at a bank. Three masked men walk in, unarmed, and proceed to commit the most passive aggressive bank robbery in history.
The man dropped a canvas sack on the table between us, while his two friends crowded in behind him.
"I'm sure you're really busy, but if it's not too much trouble, can you go ahead and fill this sack with $100,000 in tens and twenties?"
"Okay," I said, pulling the sack behind the desk. "Do you happen to have your bank card or a completed withdrawal slip? I'm sure you guys have all kinds of important things lined up for the day, so let's get you out of here quick quick quick."
"Actually...Don," he said, somehow misreading my name tag from less than a meter away. "Being the real real smart guy I bet you are, I'm sure you can handle this sans paperwork if you get my meaning. We are, like you said, very busy men, so we appreciate you giving us that A-plus effort you're undoubtedly known around the world for."
"Yes, yes, of course!" I said, flapping the sack through the air like a fresh trash bag. "Tens and twenties! For my three new friends here. These denominations? Are they for your Sunday tithe? Or handouts to the city's many homeless and needy? No, no! Don't tell me. You'll make me blush with your magnanimity and generosity. Here we go! Quick quick, for my brave, generous friends here."
"Well," sniffed the man, pulling the ballcap further down his face. "Alas that so few of us have the intelligence, patience, verve, and - I'm sure - impeccable bloodlines to have attained the noble rank of bank teller. Your mere existence shames us with it's glorious splendor. And the way you ever ever so slowly toss the bundles of bills into that sack? The sign of a true craftsman. What tragedy that we cannot linger and watch the entirety of such fine, deliberate work."
"You humble me!" I shouted, pulling individual bills from their billfolds and laying them neatly in the cavernous bag. "To be appreciated in one's lifetime! And by one's as wise and hardworking as you three? How divine! I may have to retire as soon as this bag is full."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"What a loss!" shouted back the man. "Not only for your industry, but the world as a whole! Pray reconsider!"
"But how?" I said, emptying the bag and starting again. "All other customers will pale in comparison. Today I have served THE GODS. How can I go back to attending the whims of mere mortals? How, I ask you? HOW?"
"But others must know of the glory of your works!"
"Speak no more! I blush! I weep!"
"How selfish it would be to have seen such skill and aptitude and not encourage it to be shared..."
"What the fuck are you two talking about?"
I turned. Two police officers stood behind the men.
"Um, they're robbing the bank. And they're doing a super great job of it."
"You're an asshole," said the man as the police cuffed him and dragged him away.
"No sir. I'm a bank teller."