An Unmistakable Talent
Linus Grimthorn was 1/16th goblin, which was hardly something you'd notice, except for the very slight greenish tint his face took on...
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Oct 30, 20164 min read
The Boy Who Fell from Space (The short story of a very long story)
In May 2004, I was living in Los Angeles after having graduated from college the year before. I had a job and an apartment and not a...
Oct 29, 20162 min read
Service With a Smile
Writing Prompt: You're a teller at a bank. Three masked men walk in, unarmed, and proceed to commit the most passive aggressive bank...
Oct 23, 20161 min read
Site Changes A-Go-Go
A year and a half into things, and I'm still not exactly sure what the hell I'm doing with this website. I'm still convinced, however,...
Sep 27, 20164 min read
Oh, Gervonia!
Dearest Agatha, If there is a lesson to be learned in all of this, it may simply be that the value of dressing well and showing common...
Aug 17, 20165 min read
Back to the Days of Potter Past
Oh man...I guess I need to talk about this. I recently finished reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I have some thoughts. 1. WHY...
Jul 4, 20163 min read
How to Make a Sidecar
There are few things more elegant, urbane, and worldly than a well mixed, handsomely presented cocktail. It's what separates us from the...
May 27, 20164 min read
Warp Not the Children | Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
I need to start off by formally absolving my parents of any guilt the following may cause them. It was the 80s. This is what passed for...
Jul 18, 20159 min read
Buddha's Broken Walking Stick
I'll start by saying this - I don't actually know if it's Buddha. See, I've got this wooden figurine. Weighs about two pounds, nice dark...
Jul 17, 20152 min read
Cash Rewards Like a BAWSE
They didn't love me at first, them credit men. Said they didn't know me. They couldn't trust me. When my beloved Dodge Neon (Murda...
Jun 2, 20153 min read
Tutorial: How to Wash Your Dog
Dogs are gross. They lick food scraps off the floor. They drink deep the hidden nectar of another dog's anal glands. Sometimes they...
May 2, 20157 min read
Every Major Harry Potter Problem that Could Have Been Solved by the Time Turner
I know what you're thinking - "Christ, enough with this Harry Potter bullshit." First of all, you're not required to read these posts,...
Mar 2, 201515 min read
It's Never Sunny in Hogwarts
I just rewatched all of the Harry Potter movies. I'm not sure why I did this, but it was an interesting experience. Watching them all...
Jan 4, 20153 min read
These Fur Orphans of Timbergrove
Lately, upon returning to my apartment after a day at work, a solitary figure races to greet me at my car. The engine is not yet dead and...
Dec 5, 20142 min read
The Giant Dog-Man in the Fluorescent Yellow Life Jacket
Grope is too strong a word. I'm not sure how we should classify what the giant dog-man in the life jacket did to me. Maybe it defies...
Nov 26, 20144 min read
Words With Total Strangers
I was (accidentally, I presume) texted by a stranger this weekend. Because I'm terrified of everything, I hid in the bathtub until the...
Nov 24, 20143 min read
So Long, Suckers
Well, it's been great, living life amongst all you normal saps and suckers. But I've been called. Yep, the word came down today. I always...
Nov 7, 20142 min read
Sad Such Passing: A man, eulogized by his dog and cat
The dearly departed Following a selection of acoustic power ballads by late 80s rock quartet Extreme, the funeral program will include...
Oct 2, 20143 min read
Stoats: Dangerous Motherfuckers
Look at this asshole. Looks cute, doesn't he? Capering in the snow? Can't you just picture him dashing about, scarpering over mounds of...
Aug 1, 20144 min read
Trouble with the MF'ing Curve
ZZZZZZZTHWACK! That was the sound of summer to me. ZZZZZZZTHWACK! The sound of my father's blistering plastic fastball transecting the...
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